11 March will never be just a date on a calendar. It is a day which will remind me that in split second, life can change drastically.
Today, last year, I was suddenly an orphan - who is jobless and not yet married. I suddenly had no one to depend on except for my siblings, fiancé and best friends. Suddenly, there's no one to nag about my wedding preparations. I was suddenly alone!
Later on, I stayed with my sister while hopping on every interview I was offered with a fake confidence. I no longer need the job for money or to build career, all I need was something to keep me busy. I had to keep my every tear from falling each time I got ready for an interview. When my late parents were around, they have been the ones I called to share about it. But suddenly, I had no one to share about it. No one will tell me that I'll do good during the interview or whenever I did not get through the interview, they always know the right words to say.
As the last child of the family, I must say that I am pretty attached to them. I have always been their baby. So, staying with my sister, her husband and their two kids (my nephew & niece) was never easy. It really hurt to see the happy family. The happy family reminded me of how I used to behave around my late parents. How they (my late parents) will always provide what I needed. Although some which I used to go against, but now I totally understand why.
Today, 11 March 2013, I am still an orphan, but now a housewife. My husband had to go out of town for work. And at this moment of time, I just realized that I'm alone. All my loved ones are far away from me. I know that they are all a call away, but what would I say when I call them? I'll only end up crying. I need a hug. I think I've forgotten how it feels like being hugged.....especially by my late parents.
Allow me one last line in my first language, Malay.
Allah sayang anak yatim piatu, insya-Allah Dia tolong kurangkan rasa sunyi dan rindu ni.
2 comments:
juliee....
i cried at the end of your entry... Ya Allah besarnya dugaan Allah bagi kat awak....
Saya cuma boleh berkata dan menulis ikut rasa.. namun hakikatnya tak sama.. apa yang awak rasa tetap jauh lebih sebak dan mengharukan..
Tiada kata yang boleh mengubah segalanya..cuma doa mengiringi kehidupan awak..semoga awak lebih tabah hari demi hari.
Allah dah tulis semuanya untuk kita Julie..semoga awak diberi pinjaman kekuatan untuk harungi semua ini..
Semoga awak bertemu dengan mereka di alam sana..semoga Allah merahmati dan meletakkan mereka di kalangan orang yang beriman..
I know it hurt u badly.. but remember we always have Allah by our side.. insyallah rasa sunyi itu akan hilang.. :)
amin.... thank u atas doa awak..tamo la nangis2..
awak kuning yg hepi2 je..hehee. thanks for being around ye awak..
awak antara pinjaman Allah utk kurangkan sunyi saya..alhamdulillah.. :)
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