J-U-N-E...

Early of the year...I was pretty much looking forward for the month of June..but then He took it away from me way before things are about to happen...it's every girl's dream to have their lil secret fantasy...........mine's ruined.....it's over I know, but I can't lie that this coming June won't remind me of those things that I've dreamed of...I know this June will not quite bring me the happiness which I thought it would...but maybe He has better plans for me....June might be the kick start for a new dream?...perhaps..?....I kinda can't wait for June to be over...maybe that way I wouldn't be so reminded of those dreams... *sigh* I really need some distraction........hmmm...

i wanttttt........

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my baby to wear this....................

my baby?.... *sigh*
i don't even have a husband..or a fiance...or a boyfriend... *sigh*
but stillll....i want....i just want my baby to wear this...
it's sooo cuteeee...hehee.. :D

Our days are numbered....

Yea....our days ARE numbered...that's just why calendars have numbers...and our birthday adds number to our age.....

26 years of living, there are too many things that I wanted in life. Some which I managed to reach, while some are still out of reach. Despite of all the materials that I want, I am still seeking for happiness, pure happiness. I know that happiness won't last and that our life needs to be balanced with some sadness. But I have this feeling that sadness is starting to conquer my life and that I only managed to taste a split second of happiness. There are quite a number of things which I suppose are achievable to me, but I was forced to stop pursuing them. People have been saying that there may be something better that awaits me at the end of the day. I kept telling myself the same. But just how long can I lie to this broken heart that things are never going to be the way I wanted it to be. I can't even try to mend things in my own way. A leopard can never change its spot? That's exactly what I am. But the leopard is lucky coz he can behave just like how a leopard should behave. While I have to watch people around me achieve what they desire and watch mine shattered one after another. I just don't have the right to make a dream come true.

Die? People no longer die when they get old. Nowadays, people tend to die at young age. I don't know when I will die. No one knows. But I do know that my days are numbered. I can't stay alive forever. And I think I don't have much of a time to be upset about not getting to achieve what I desire. If I should die, I want to die happily. And leave the people who I love without having them being hurt about my misbehaviour or what not. If I were to die soon, I want them to be happy. So I suppose I should start behaving at my best. Be careful with my words and action as to not hurt those who I love. Need to learn to listen and not question too much. Whatever makes them happy should make me happy to. I'm sure they want me to be happy, as much as I want them to be happy. Now that sounds like a happy ending.

Well, looks like I gotta live everyday like it's my last day. May Allah bless me, and those I love. *amin*

no longer..........

i no longer have to fake a smile...
whenever i smile now, it's straight from my heart...
i guess i'm over that phase now...
tho i have to admit dat at certain time, i still remember it...
but i guess that's just natural...
coz i was true...
and didnt fake those things...

i'm rili thankful to Him, dear famliy and darling friends (near, far, wherever u are..hehee) for helping me out of the phase...
whether u realize it or not, u've rili help me a lot in so many ways...

i'm smiling ear to ear.......thank u....thank u so much......

What Happened To Blackmouse & "The Train"...

Remember the train?..which blackmouse was supposed to decide whether or not to hop in it?..
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It crashed!!!!
Yes....right in front of her eyes..when she had decided to hop in it....
All the dilemmas, juz to watch it crash?..
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It's awful!!..blackmouse now hates "train"!!

**no human or mouse were hurt in the crash.......only blackmouse's lil tiny heart was hurt....quite badly.... :(

NOSE - E!!!

Like seriously...wat do u people want?...dont u hv other things to do?...oh wait, no, i dont mean u guys, my friends...it's all d bullshits with social notworking networking lahh!~

1. A sibling of my ex-bf (we broke up like 10 months ago) added me
2. A very close friend of my ex-bf (the same as above) added me
3. An old schoolmate of mine messaged/added me

No 1 & no 2..hello?...u wanna be friendly now?..fine..i accepted ur request..then what?..NOTHING!

No 3.. I was glad that u actually remembered me..n after ur 2nd msg, i realized dat u actually messaged & added me juz to find out how i got to know a particular guy who i happened to be commenting on his status..2nd message OK?!! dat's how obvious u wanna know about me knowing dat guy rather than "re-unite"..

1,2 n 3...u guys r plain NOSE-E!!! erghhh!!

And So It's 2010 Already...

my first post for 2010..
it's a new year..but nothing new (yet) bout me...i haven't been blogging for so long n today i felt like it again...after so long...yeah..maybe dat's something new?..heh..

so Black Mouse is currently wondering...

"there's a train coming....u either hop in THAT train or wait for another train to take u to ur destination.....(if there's ever gonna b another one)..?"

yeah?..to hop or not to hop?...THAT train might seem uncomfortable to ride in but if Black Mouse does not hop in THAT train, will there ever be another train?..if there is, then she's lucky..but what if that's the last train?...what if that's not the last one?...what will she be missing?..

Black Mouse remember writing about the road not taken last year, so this year, it's about the train..God knows what she'll be writing about next year..huhuuu...

And suddenly this song came to her mind......

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep, there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else's known
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same

That's Runaway Train by Soul Asylum anyway....and THAT song is the song she should be singing if she ever miss the train n there's NO other train!! Enough wondering for the day I guess..